What If?
I want to start this piece by saying that living abroad is an immense privilege. This lifestyle is a culmination of seizing resources and opportunities that were available to me. In addition to possessing a passport that allows me to easily cross borders, I have educators, employers, and family members to thank for making this lifestyle an option.
Nonetheless, while being an expat fills me with immense gratitude, it also comes with a heavy dose of FOMO, Fear Of Missing Out.
In moments when I feel homesick for people and familiarity, my mind inevitably starts visualizing the alternatives to the life I currently lead.
What if?
When I think about this question, I don’t think of places or professional goals. I think of all the people I’ve ever loved and imagine the type of relationship I might have enjoyed with them if I’d just stuck around. In these moments, living abroad can feel hollow in comparison to the life I could have led with the people I care about most.
While my “what if” is distinct to me, perhaps you are grappling with our own version of “what if.” In this blog post, I am going to talk about how I manage this question and the lessons I’ve learned from it.
Contentment Takes Work
Most of the time, I am content with the life I chose. However there have always been shocks and losses that have shaken my happiness.
Through these difficult moments, I have learned that contentment requires real intentionality. It is very easy to let the negative emotions overwhelm me. Striving to be happy is an option amongst many.
My strategy is to give myself the opportunity to sit with those difficult feelings. I often acknowledge them by putting pen to paper. Then, I recommit to working towards contentment, understanding that I may veer away from it, but I can always come back to it.
Learn and Implement
Some of my most painful “what ifs” have to do with realizing too late how much someone mattered to me, specifically the people I did not appreciate like I should have. Acknowledging that the window of opportunity to do right by them has closed always saddens. I try to navigate the regret I feel by finding a lesson I can integrate into my life.
I no longer make the assumption that I can make someone feel valued or fix a situation later. As a result, I make a conscious effort to be present with the people who are dear to me and apologize as soon as I know I am in the wrong.
In other words, instead of dwelling on the hypotheticals I no longer have control over, I focus on how I can be a more engaged and reliable person for my loved ones.
Always Choose Caring over Apathy
I am by no means a master of my emotions. I am merely better at navigating them when I know I can do better next time.
Sometimes, when I am truly overwhelmed by an unamendable situation, I want to lean into apathy. If I cared a little less, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much. If you ever feel this way, I am going to tell you the same thing I have to repeat to myself.
Caring less does not insulate you from further upset. If anything, it makes you more susceptible to being faced with the same hardship over and over again without any coping strategies. As difficult as it feels, caring will increase your familiarity with and ability to overcome a hardship when you are faced with it again.
Bottom Line
I encourage you to engage with your “what if.” Use it as a tool to identify points for improvement and lessons learned. I hope that by doing so, you will not only better understand yourself, but identify ways you can lead the life you envision for yourself.
